Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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