Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
