When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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