just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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