I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
