Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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