Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
