what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
