we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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