just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
