I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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