the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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