I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Randomize
