So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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