I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
