get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
