i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
