Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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