If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
