Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
