if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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