You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
