u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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