That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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