I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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