Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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