Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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