I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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