Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
