I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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