The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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