shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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