feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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