apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
