you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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