new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
