Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her facebook's as public as her vagina
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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