last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
