He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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