I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
