I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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