That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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