my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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