Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
