To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
