I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
