i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
