im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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