The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
