Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
