so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
