can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
