just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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