He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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