I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
