When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
