OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
