There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
