he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
