One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
