it's like iHOP with fire
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
