420 ftw
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
