woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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