No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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