He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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