Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
