stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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