Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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