umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
