he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
