she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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